need another drink. this is the easiest way
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
