I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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