yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Even my vagina gasped.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize