Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
