Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im holly from the hills drunk
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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