remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I supernannyed him into submission
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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