so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
