tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Pooping to opera.
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