Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
