Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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