apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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