she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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