FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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