I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
