where does the pee come out of this thing
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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