You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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