you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
