How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
