God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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