Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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