so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
