I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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