I hate your face
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
