I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
