I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She's the barista slut.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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