Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
