I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
