Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
