I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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