so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
