So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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