I met the friendliest cop last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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