I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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