why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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