Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
