just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
