$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your penis caused this!
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