man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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