Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
