You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
