Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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