Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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