If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
