i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
