FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
