I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
