Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
