I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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