True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
