college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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