so explain again why im purple
no
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
