Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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