I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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