okay pat passed out under dana's car
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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