So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
