First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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