I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No subtext here. People are naked.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
