A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Floor bacon is actually really good
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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