Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
