im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I need to stop coming to work sober
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
