hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
