So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
third nipple confirmed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
