there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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