I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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