i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
