I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
