Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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