I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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