I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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