At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
