on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You dont lie about slip and slides
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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