In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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