omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
