her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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