I think i peed on brittanys purse
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
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She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.