I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..