WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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